Lately when people ask me how I am, I play a lovely games of good news:bad news. Good news: Finally found out why I’ve been sick my entire life. Bad news: I’m corn intolerant. Worse news: I’m not handling the bad news very well because I hate myself and think I should continue suffering. I usually leave off the worse news bit.
I might also be gluten intolerant, but it’s really hard to tell because most things that have gluten also have corn. And I’ve been too depressed and self destructive to really investigate further.
On the bright side, I’ve been so gloom and doom that mother took pity on me and bought me a bunch of Beanitos chips. Chips made out of beans. No corn, no gluten, just awesome. Of course, I felt so terrible about her wasting money on me that I ate half a box of thin mints and got myself all sick. Really ought to do something about all this self loathing.